The problem is that the messages we are being given about the state of the economy are constantly changing, sometimes on a daily basis.

Are there really green shoots of recovery or are we still plunging downwards like a Stuker over Stalingrad?

The newspapers just don’t help. Especially the Daily Express.  The best solution, I find, is reading a broad cross section of titles including The Guardian and FT, and look for common threads.

But, like most people, you will probably discover the answer is that experts really don’t know where we are heading. There is just lots and lots of disparate articles and lots of lots of hypothesising.

The solution: cut up your store credit cards, cut back on your Chinese takeaways, and keep you money stuffed in your mattress.

Another of my favourites…

Clutching a scrap of paper with the name ‘Suzie’ scrawled on it, she shouts: “What’s this then, you dirty sod?”

“For the love of God, it’s just the name of horse I’m betting on,” he replies. “A pal in work gave me a tip. If I win we’ll go out for dinner.”

A few days later, he is sitting down to breakfast again when his wife goes off to answer the phone. She slams down the receiver and quickly comes back into the kitchen and whacks him round the head.

“Oi, what the….?” he cries.

“That was your horse,” she says.

“OK, Ma,” he says, “I’ll get one first ting tomorrow, for sure.”

A few weeks later Paddy’s mum comes to visit again and the conversation comes round to the toilet brush. “Ah Paddy, did ya get dat brush?” she asks.

“Yeh, I did Ma, but d’ya know, it really hurts mi behind so I tink I’ll stick to toilet paper.”

Poor joke aside, thought I’d post this gem. We need another Skynyrd!

I sort of stumbled into teaching. I am not a trained teacher but was in the right place at the right time. I did OK; having gone to a northern version of Grange Hill I went in with flak jacket and tin hat, so to speak. In the end it really wasn’t that bad if you got them laughing, and liking you. But most of all you have to keep kids interested, not leaving them to paint one another with correction fluid while you lean back with a copy of the local rag  happy that a handful of industrious pupils are actually doing the class assignment.

It is a demanding profession and what worries me is that in a few years’ time the dropout rate will skyrocket even higher as teachers initially attracted to the field during the current recession will experience a moment of epiphany.

You simply cannot teach well unless teaching is in your body and soul. The promise of lovely salaries is a double-edged sword. It delivers justice for those heroes who raise our youngsters well but creates legions of ill-prepared fortune hunters.

Here’s a bit of funky New Orleans music to brighten up this drab afternoon.

Dr John – Mess Around

Fill 'er up with 4 star, chief

Hasta luego